siri, why does god allow suffering?

Aug 27

You would think that a women’s studies department would be an excellent place to be when your period suddenly starts* at work, but apparently this is a pro-Diva Cup workspace.

Aug 27

So, as much as I was going to give myself time to make this decision to try to curb my impulsive tendencies, this fellowship thing is sort of the last straw and I think I’m definitely peacing out of this program once my contract for this year is up?

Even if this university were not the most ridiculous employer I’ve ever had (INCLUDING THE TIME I WAS A RECEPTIONIST AT A HAIR SALON SPECIALIZING IN TOUPEES), I just think that “I can be miserable at my job for several years because there is a slim chance this job might turn into a statistically-unlikely-to-pan-out job that would severely limit my ability to choose where I want to live and is not even my #1 dream job” is not a great mentality for my own physical and mental health. I mean, maybe I’ll leave and make some money and want to come back to academia to do the whole PhD thing (or do an MFA thing, which was my Plan A all along) when some Baby Boomers die or whatever and I can scrape together a less-shitty attitude about the future of higher education.

But possibly not! Because there are other fulfilling and reasonably well-compensated careers I am qualified for and interested in, and also a TON of not-super-fulfilling but better-compensated-than-my-current-job jobs that I am qualified for and indifferent about. And the latter is even appealing at this point, because, if I’m going to have a job where I’m perpetually dicked around by a profit-hungry garbage-monster corporation, I’d at least like to work fewer than 50 hours a week and make enough to, like, cover my medical bills and pay off my loan on my budget-friendly compact car before 2027 and maybe even stop living with my mom without having to leech off some rich old dude.

Like, obviously finding a job is not easy, but at least I’m in a position right now where a funemployment phase would be manageable with my current support network and would not inspire an existential crisis about whether or not I am a massive failure who made a ridiculous gamble and wasted five years of her life in the worst-funded program at the country’s most dysfunctional R1 university. 

Aug 27

Apparently my fellowship no longer exists, so I’m taking a $3,000 pay cut that no one thought to warn me about in advance!!!

Aug 26

I love it when mediocre straight white dudes tell the world “I’m scared that I will fail if I have to compete in a level playing field with marginalized people” by making arguments which simultaneouly claim that structural oppression doesn’t exist but that mediocre straight white dudes are the real oppressed minority in this country.

Aug 26

Pretty sure my uncle just commented “nice butt” on my new facebook profile picture, then deleted it when he realized it was me.

Aug 25
why is my life so awkward?

"If you don’t know what it is, you’re probably not interested."

- laughing forever at this work email offering a free (unused) neti pot.

Aug 25

My enthusiasm for this class continues to dwindle after learning that it requires a “supplementary reader” whose cost no one will tell me.

Aug 24

I don’t think we really need to read 300 pages about neoliberalism for the first day of this seminar; we could just, like, take a quick glance at how our university runs and I think we’d get the gist of it.

Aug 24

I wanted to have donut holes and Red Stripe for dinner, but instead I had chips and salsa and whiskey-gingers, because I have many adulthood skills.

Aug 23