siri, why does god allow suffering?

It’s definitely appropriate and professional for me to make an announcement in Blackboard that says “I’M GOING TO BED AND NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING EMAILS TONIGHT,” right? 

Oct 21
Oct 21

I barely got tipsy last night but I am miserably hungover today.

Oct 19
adulthood is TERRIBLE

Rob has a lot of complaints about his new iPhone, including the following:
-“I call people, and then my ear does all kinds of clever shit, like changing the channel to FaceTime.”
-“Suri is a degenerate and doesn’t know anything except MOON CYCLES.”
-“I just want to talk to one person at a time. I don’t want my ear to make any conference calls to my weird niece.”

Oct 17
Oct 17
Oct 17

What my familiar has been up to lately: lots of moving her sad smooshy face closer and closer to me on the couch while sighing loudly to distract my attention from my work, lots of insisting that we have to be touching at all times at night, lots of sleeping in places/positions that make no sense whatsoever.

Thank you, internet, for diagnosing my hatred of Pumpkin Flavored Everything Season as internalized misogyny and not, you know, a call for the freedom to choose other appropriately autumnal flavors.

Oct 16

Someone tried to get access to my email last night, which I know should make me feel unsafe but actually just makes me laugh a lot because, you know, have fun finding any useful financial/personal information among the 700 Old Navy coupons and endless deluge of unnecessary work-listserv reply-alls.

Oct 13

"This song is ridiculous. Scientifically speaking, if she were really all about that bass, no treble, she’d sound like a ghoul and this song would be a goddamn nightmare."

- my stepdad, airing his grievances toward Meghan Trainor

Oct 12

I think “whatever job title Kalinda Sharma has” might be my calling.

Oct 9